Prodical Warrior

Three and a half years ago, I was a few miles from a beach in Florida, and I had a plan to end my life. I had wrecked my world. My choices, my disobedience, the pain I inflicted and endured, all came crashing down. My mind was exhausted from chasing my own will while pretending to follow God. I stood in the darkest hour of my soul.

Under the Baker Act in Florida, while held in a facility, a chaplain spoke words that pierced through the stone I had wrapped around my heart. He said something like this: “I can pull a pocket knife out and cut my hand wide open. It will bleed, it will hurt, but with some attention and healing, it will recover. God made your heart the same way. He can heal you, if you let Him.”

I went back to my brother and sister-in-law’s house and did something I hadn’t done before. I truly prayed. I opened the Word and devoured it. I stopped running from truth and started running toward it. I got honest, brutally honest, about who I was and what I had done. And I found that God was not waiting to condemn me. He was waiting to heal me. Not perfectly. Not instantly. But truly.

Healing began. My life did not become flawless. But it did become honest. I joined a men’s group. I stopped pretending. I went to work knowing God’s word and studying through seminary and on my own. And now, looking back, I see God’s hand. Not only does it save me from eternal separation, but it also delivers me from the dominion of sin in the present. If He could rescue me, chief among sinners, He can rescue anyone.

I worked in sales much of the time I was surrendering my life, and I could not lie anymore. I would rather lose the deal than lose my soul. I couldn’t be taught to call anyone and say, “I have someone who would like to buy your house or car to coerce someone to come and deal with me. That was a lie. God wouldn’t bless that. If you’re in a place where you can sell without lying, God bless. But if you’re in a place where that’s needed, I am happy to say, not sorry, you’re going to need a new job.

But as I began to grow, questions came that had been there all along. Hard ones. Ones I had avoided. Ones I had thrown at God like accusations for years. The kind that start like this:

If God is sovereign, and evil exists, doesn’t that make God the author of evil?

And Scripture does not flinch from the tension. It invites us into it.

“Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good?”

— Lamentations 3:38 (KJV)

“If so be they will hearken… that I may repent me of the evil, which I purpose to do unto them…”

— Jeremiah 26:3 (KJV)

“Wherefore I gave them also statutes that were not good… that I might make them desolate…”

— Ezekiel 20:25–26 (KJV)

“The evil spirit from God came upon Saul…”

— 1 Samuel 18:10 (KJV)

These verses raise hard, honest questions. And maybe it is time we stop being afraid to ask them.

The first truth we have to settle is this: God is sovereign, but that does not mean He is morally guilty.

God reigns. He rules. Nothing happens outside His authority. He does not wait for human permission to act.

“He doeth according to his will… and none can stay his hand.”

— Daniel 4:35 (KJV)

But this does not mean He sins. Scripture is clear:

“God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man.”

— James 1:13 (KJV)

“In him is no darkness at all.”

— 1 John 1:5 (KJV)

So how do we hold both truths, that God is in control, and that God is holy?

We learn to distinguish between God’s ruling will and God’s moral will. God allows and governs even evil events in His plan. But He never commands sin, commits sin, or delights in wickedness.

If we are not careful, we will either accuse God of doing evil or we will shrink Him down until He feels safe. Both errors lead to false gods.

What Does “Evil” Mean in These Verses?

When Lamentations and Isaiah say that God creates “evil,” they are speaking of calamity, disaster, judgment, not moral wickedness.

“I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.”

— Isaiah 45:7 (KJV)

This language is not soft. It is specific. When judgment comes, when nations fall, idols topple, and calamity strikes, God is not absent. He is not watching from afar. He is present, just, and at work.

We want a God who stops pain, but not a God who confronts pride. We want comfort without correction. But the God of the Bible will not be edited. He breaks what must be broken so He can heal what must be healed.

What About Ezekiel? Did God Command Evil Laws?

No. Ezekiel 20 describes judgment on a people who rejected God’s good commands. The passage itself says it plainly:

“Wherefore I gave them also statutes that were not good, and judgments whereby they should not live;

And I polluted them in their own gifts… that I might make them desolate, to the end that they might know that I am the LORD.”

— Ezekiel 20:25–26 (KJV)

Here is what that means in plain speech. There is a form of judgment where God removes restraint and gives people over to what they insisted on. That is not divine approval. That is divine consequence.

God’s restraint is mercy. When He removes it, it is judgment.

What About Saul? Did God Send an Evil Spirit?

Yes, but again, not how we tend to hear it. Saul had rejected God, refused correction, and grieved the Spirit. God removed His hand of favor, and Saul came under torment.

The phrase “evil spirit from God” means that even spiritual darkness is under God’s authority. He ruled over it, appointed it in judgment, and restrained it according to His purpose.

This was not God being evil. This was God being Judge.

Just as in the book of Job, the enemy could only go as far as God allowed, and no further.

God Governs and Overrules Evil Without Committing Evil

This is the key truth. God can govern evil men and evil events without being evil Himself. He can overrule what men mean for destruction, and turn it into what serves His holy purpose.

Look at the cross.

“Him… ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain.”

— Acts 2:23 (KJV)

The crucifixion of Jesus was the most wicked act in history, and yet it was also God’s determined plan to save sinners.

Or look at Joseph’s story:

“Ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good.”

— Genesis 50:20 (KJV)

This is not a contradiction. It is sovereignty. It is holiness. It is God turning the knife of man into the scalpel of mercy.

No, God Is Not the Author of Evil

God is not the author of sin. He is not morally guilty. He does not tempt or delight in wickedness. But He is so sovereign that even evil cannot outrun His leash, and so holy that even His judgments are just, even when severe.

And this puts a decision in front of each of us.

Will we keep putting God on trial, demanding answers on our terms, or will we bow before Him and let Him rescue us?

Because the same holy God who judges sin is the God who steps into our ruin to save us.

When I thought I was free, I was a slave. When I lost everything, I found mercy. God met me in judgment, but He did not leave me there. He healed me. He reclaimed me.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”

— Psalm 51:17 (KJV)

He is not safe. But He is good. He breaks and binds up. He wounds and heals. He reigns, and He redeems.

“Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

— 1 Timothy 1:17 (KJV)

I have to land it right here. If God is only allowed to be “good” when life is comfortable, then we are not worshiping the God of the Bible; we are worshiping a god we can manage. But the Lord is not on trial. He is King. He is holy. He is patient. He is also Judge. And the same hand that rules the storm is the hand that was pierced to save sinners like me.

So when evil shows up, we do not have to call God guilty to be honest about the pain. We can call sin what it is, call judgment what it is, and still cling to the truth that God is not the author of evil; He is the Redeemer who overrules it. The cross proves it. The empty tomb guarantees it. One day, every dark thing will be answered, not with an explanation that makes us feel smart, but with a Savior who makes all things right.

Until then, we stop negotiating, and we surrender. We stop blaming God, and we confess our sin. We stop demanding control, and we take refuge in Christ. If we get too big to kneel, we’ve already gotten too small to stand.